Photo Credit |

By the way, when did it become possible to earn a 6.0 GPA?

In my 20+
years post graduation, I have learned that, despite a mediocre performance in
high school, one can still be quite successful in the Real World. Complete a little college, toss in some life
experience, get married, produce a few kids and

*voila!*You are suddenly in the running for president of your local Mensa chapter and an Expert in your field of choice.
I am an
Expert Mom. I can successfully perform
Expert Mom tasks. I can discuss Expert Mom issues with ease and confidence-
whether or not anyone listens is a whole ‘nother story, of course. I can even pass Expert Mom tests with flying
colors.

Dad, your blood, sweat and tears were not spilled in vain! The excruciating hours spent teaching me how
to solve word problems have finally paid off! I am now fully proficient in **Mom Math**- the only math that matters.

Grab your #2
pencil because I’m about to test my mad

**Mom Math**skillz.
1. If a Mom has 2 children, each with
their own backpack, jacket and lunchbox, and one child also has a report on
George Washington that took 7 hours for the ~~mom~~ child to research, write, put
together an authentic costume and produce a poster board full of visuals
illustrating daily life in the 1700’s, how many school related items will be in
the car when she arrives at school?

a. 7

b. 3

c. 14

d. Cannot be solved because there is no
way to predict how many items will be left at home no matter how many times Mom
reminds them to grab their stuff.

2. If a mom says, “Put your shoes on” 27
times in 15 minutes, what is the probability that her children will get their
shoes on?

a. 1:3

b. 27:15

c. 15:27

d. 0- No one listens to her anyway

3. If a mom has to leave the house by 7:30
a.m. to get her children to school on time, what time will she have to begin
waking up her children if it takes them 20 minutes to put on 4 items of
clothing, 17 minutes to walk down the stairs, 37 minutes to eat breakfast, 19
minutes to brush their teeth, 13 minutes to get into the car and 25 minutes to
drive to school?

a. 5:37 a.m.

b. 5:00 a.m.

c. 6:15 a.m.

d. The night before

4. If a mom gets the Doctor Recommended
8 hours of sleep per night, eats a well balanced diet, consistently exercises
and practices breathing techniques proven to lessen stress levels, how many
times per day will she burst into tears without explanation?

a. 0

b. 2

c. 7

d. Cannot be measured by modern
technology

5. If a mom is driving to the grocery
store with 3 kids in the car, traveling at an average of 50 miles per hour for
12 minutes how many times will she yell, “Knock it off! Stop touching each
other!” before she arrives at the store?

a. 0

b. 3

c. 4

d. Enough to ensure everyone is crying by the time she arrives

6. What percentage represents the number
of times a dinner provided by a mom is met with the following response, “Yay! I
love that meal!”?

a. 10% of the time

b. 25% of the time

c. 33% of the time

d. 100% of the time if the meal provided
is pizza or anything else not prepared at home

7. If a mom reminds her child to bring
home his jacket, every day for 132 days what is the probability he will bring
home said jacket?

a. 1:132

b. 5:132

c. 132:132

d. What jacket?

8. A woman’s husband has called and said
he will not be home for dinner. Her
response is:

a. Sadness because she loves her husband
so much and wants to be with him at all times

b. Anger because she spent hours
preparing a gourmet meal that he and their children are certain to enjoy

c. Understanding because she knows how
hard he works to provide for their family

d. A fist pump and cheer because now she
can serve cereal and chips for dinner!

9. The relationship between the age of a
mother’s children and her weekly consumption of alcohol is

a. Not related

b. Mildly related

c. Strongly related

d. Identical: 10 year old kid = 10
drinks/week

10. The average mom feels guilty

a. When she yells

b. When she gets frustrated with her children

c. When she wants time for herself

d. When she is breathing

__Answer Key:__**D. Every answer is D.**

I’m a genius
in the things that matter.

That’s just
my normal.

Photo Credit |

## 23 comments:

Finally a math test I passed with flying colors!! Great post!!

This was such a great post! I was laughing so hard Kent came into the room and asked what I was reading. Hope you had a fun night out pretty momma!

That's how I feel Kathy!! It's been a really long time (read: never) since I aced a test full of word problems. Thanks for reading and commenting!

V

Ha! I'm glad Kent got to the bottom of the mystery Joan and didn't sit there wondering if you were losing your mind;) Thanks for the read and the comment. And I had a ton of fun last night. Have you been to the PrepKitchen? So cool and GREAT food!

V

Love this! Totally sharing on our page today. www.facebook.com/itsreally10months

This is just f*cking hysterical. that's all. hysterical.

OMG - I think you may be a fly on the wall of my house...like for real. Absolutely love every question...and every correct answer!

This was absolutely BRILLIANT!!! I loved everything about it. Well done friend!!

LOL!! I answered D for all those!! I believe you made me a Mom genius!! :D

Thanks again for sharing Anam!!

V

Yay Jen!! I'm glad you got a laugh. That's what we all need on a Friday, right?

V

@cellulitelooksbettertan- First of all, you blog title is the BEST!! Second, thanks for reading and I'm glad you got a laugh. I have a feeling most moms can relate, right?

Vicky

@MomRants- I love you Penny! Glad you got a Friday giggle! Thanks for reading, commenting and sharing.

V

Way to go Roshni!! You're a genius too!!

V

ACED IT!!!!! OHMYGOSH this is SO true and HILARIOUS and BRILLIANT!!! You deserve that 6.0!!!!!

A 6.0 Chris? That puts my pathetic 3.5 to shame! Yes!

Vicky

Vicky, I LOVE this! You are definitely a math whiz! Thanks for the laughs!

Haha, I wasn't very good at Math either but I totally get this!

This is HILARIOUS! I love it! I especially love the answer "what jacket?"

Thanks Julie! I've never been a math wiz so making my own tests seemed like a good way to make it happen! Thanks for reading and sharing!

V

Tarana,

I think we all get better at math when we get older!

Haha!

V

Darcy,

You wouldn't believe the amount of blank stares I receive when it comes to those stupid jackets!

V

I got 100%. AND a great laugh out of it! AND I feel better that I'm not the only one whose kids refuse to eat their food! AND that I'm not the only one who bursts into tears over nothing! AND I could go on forever but I'll just say thanks again for the laugh!!

## Post a Comment